Alright, every once in a while something draws me back into blogging. (I’ve been busy with my sports podcast) So, I just got home from Iron Man 3…I’ve been sitting here thinking about it for a few hours now, and while I enjoyed it – I had a lot of problems with it. Similar to how I felt after the Dark Knight Rises, its not bad…just little changes that could make it great.
If its not obvious…SPOILERS!
10. Give us some “Easter Eggs” – The best thing about every movie leading up to Avengers, was the nods and winks letting you know it was coming. The things in the background and post-credits made every one of us superhero nerds cream our jeans. And, you could feel a bit smug when you know you caught something in the background that others didn’t. Those mere mortals – pity them. IM3 gives us nothing in the way of fore-shadowing. Every mention of any other Marvel character is in past-tense, “that guy with the hammer fell from the sky”, “since New York”, etc. Instead of this movie feeling like the beginning of “phase 2”, it felt like the last of phase 1, tacked onto the end of Avengers – especially the post-credits scene, while humorous, just gave a wrap-up feeling…I didn’t leave the theater needing my next Marvel-fix — this is an issue!
9. Where is everybody? – I get it, you’re not going to pay for everybody to come back and make a cameo. This is called Iron Man 3, not Avengers 1.5. I can buy that Thor wouldn’t have any mention at all – he’s got a good excuse in his commute alone. And, yeah – maybe calling up the big green rage monster needs to be saved for extreme cases, or therapy. But you’re telling me that Tony is presumed dead, his house is jacked up, a terrorist is threatening 3000 different kinds of heat on the American people, AND the fucking President is in danger! – and SHIELD is too busy hiding in the clouds?? Heck, even have Rhodes mention a one-off to Tony, like – “Hey, think you could call in Cap’ since we don’t even have armor on?” and then Tony could reply with something witty about them being busy, or he can handle it.
8. Where the fuck was Rhodes?? – Speaking of being absent for when shit-hits-the-fan. Nothing about how he was too busy for New York? It was only an alien invasion…was the paint still drying? Give us a line at the bar, “Hey, sorry I wasn’t there for you in New York, I’ve been keeping tabs on this new guy – calls himself the Mandarin…”
7. Iron Patriot – This is a minor thing, but seems like a plot hole. James is the accidental hero for a sweat shop, then gets taken down by random “hot” blonde #4, then meltyman #2 takes the suit, puts the POTUS in the suit to kidnap him (btw, this means the suit is being controlled remotely, or by hacked programing…explains why the president can’t control the flight pattern), but then when Rhodes helps the president down to get back his armor…it suddenly works perfect? Didn’t realize the Colonel was that computer savvy. How about instead, Tony calls up the original silver armor to hook back up and he can go back to being War Machine?
6. Worst Suit Ever? – Mark 42 has to be the worst thing Tony Stark has ever invented. It barely works, falls apart upon the slightest contact, “punches” Tony in the nuts, threatens Pepper (although yes it saves her too), and the POS can’t seem to stay charged! Just because you keep saying its a “prototype” does not mean that Tony Stark would ever invent something that unreliable.
5. The Mandarin We Deserved – The big “plot twist”. (btw, all you smug bitches that say you could see it coming and it was hella obvious are full of shit) We were led to believe that Mandarin was the major threat to end all threats. A dude so badass that his own people wouldn’t dare look him in the eye. In the comics, Mandarin was a great anti-iron man because it gave us a battle of magic vs technology. Instead we got a hilariously coked-out actor. This is nothing against Ben Kingsley, he did exactly what the script probably told him to. Look, we’ve done the “puppet-leader” thing before. Maybe make a BIGGER twist, in showing Kingsley later enjoying the fact that everyone “bought” his actor routine…and he’s got some serious shit cooking up in those 10 Rings. Which btw…why did they not do ANY tie-ins to the terrorist organization from Iron Man 1??
4. The End of a Chest Piece? – You mean to tell me that Tony could have gotten surgery the whole time to remove the metal shrapnel in his chest?? Good thing that shit wasn’t killing him in IM2! (back off nerds, I get that it was actually the arc-reactor poisoning him) But still, now what does this mean for Tony in the future? His own personal never ending energy source is removed from his body? What if the Loki-poki stick tries to brainwash him in the future? Also, what’s going to fill up that giant hole in his chest now?
3. Pepper is all Better – C’mon, you didn’t kill Happy when it could have served as a great emotional motivator and shown real loss. Then you fake out Pepper’s death in fire. Next, one line of dialog cures Pepper from being super hot? How much did it fix her? Does she still have near-invincibility? That shit could be useful the next time somebody blows up the living room with choppers.
2. Pepper can Fight? – Woah, when did she start taking krav maga classes? Now I will say that it was actually kinda cool that she went all badass at the end and beat some ass for once (this universe needs all the tough female scenes it can get) Give me some context though, the molten virus does some pretty cool things, but I didn’t think it taught fighting techniques all Matrix-style. I would want this final scene to stay in though, so how about in the beginning when Tony has a quick 1-2 with some training equipment walking in the basement, there is something to play off that stuff being Pepper’s, maybe even have Tony make fun of her for trying to learn self-defense – then she can be all snarky at the end when saving his butt.
1. Motive! – What the hell Guy Pierce? You’re all pissy because Tony stood you up to bang a hot brunette nerd? What’s that- ? oh, Pepper also used to turn you down all the time too… ok. Sooooooo…why are you blowing up people? Heck, you got your confidence and a little swagger (in the form of hot-healing) out of the deal. You wanted to bring Tony on-board to help perfect your molten virus (I refuse to call it extremis) then what was your plan after that? Take over the government? World domination? We don’t know! Here, I’ll help…because this seemed to be the VP’s motive for getting involved with Killian, helping his daughter(?) grow a new leg. Ok, lets start there…we’ve also got all these test soldiers, they all seem to be missing limbs from battle… Now how about your own handicap? Killian seemed to need a cane and walk awkwardly when we first see him Woodstock style in 1999. How about the motive being that you want to be fully healed, you want your soldiers to be fully healed, and you want to stop the government responsible for all these casualties of war…it would play off current events with soldiers that come back from the Middle East who can’t carry out their normal lives because of lost limbs and PTSD. Here’s an acting lesson for you out there, if you’re going to portray a bad guy, you don’t do things because they are “bad” and you just want to start some shit for the fun of it (only Joker gets to do that) You make decisions as a bad guy because in your own head these are absolutely the right decisions to make. So maybe Aldrich Killian really wants to protect soldiers from having to ever lose their limbs, protect kids from ever being physically handicapped, and then after all that…then he can ask People Magazine’s hottest woman out to dinner.